I pull the curtains to one side and press my face to the cold glass.

Outside the streetlight burns in the dark, silent night. Behind me there’s the murmur of the television and the hiss of the fire. No one seems to be out tonight. The world seems still.

It’s almost Christmas. Preparations will soon start. Whilst shopping perhaps a trip to the old County Stores to buy a bag of pfeffernusse whose taste always reminds me more of Christmas than mince pies do.

I feel like I am trapped between two worlds here. The curtain with it’s lining is like a cloak around my shoulders. Floor length it hides me completely from view if you walked into the room. From outside I’m invisible . A few people walk by after a while but no one glances in to see me. It’s too cold to linger and too early for Christmas decorations. In a few weeks people will take the time to look in the windows and rate the trees and lights.

Most people’s minds are focused on a few weeks time, on Christmas day. To me today is always special. Saint Nicholas’ eve means cleaning your best shoes and putting them on the windowsill in the hope that he will leave a few small presents and not a piece of coal, the sign that you have been bad.

I watch my breath on the glass for a while as it makes halos around the lamp’s light then turn around. I leave that strange, silent place and walk back into the room, much older and with my shoe in my hand as the curtain falls behind me.