We step out from the series of meetings and into another room.

It was supposed to be a quick chat to sort some issue with this project but as we walked away we both said, “he doesn’t look right”.

After all these months working together we’ve grown to know each other both in good times and bad. We’ve seen how tired we look, picked each other up when we’ve been down but this was different.

A sober reminder that we’re all under stress and pressured.

I walked off wondering if I look as bad, if you saw me know would you think the same thing ….

Posted by Mark at 11:10 PM | Permalink

The meeting was rather like the lunch : happened upon, ill conceived, unsatisfying and you left wanting more.

Against this the mail rolls in with no respite. Issues, noise, deadlines, priorities and lost in the middle a mail from the ex boss. Nothing around that vaguely matches your vague career goals or even comes close to what you are doing now. We can offer you a corner somewhere, cross train to an occasionally used product and lets hope that’s what you want.

Everything seems to be unsatisfying at the moment …

Posted by Mark at 11:13 PM | Permalink

It could have been so very different that day.

Boxing day 2004. Waking to the steady hiss of the heating, the warmth of the apartment and the darkness of a Stockholm winter morning. Outside the crunch of boots in snow.

We’d decided not to travel that year. To have a lazy, relaxed Christmas. The TV was off and the only thing planned was to walk down to the corner video shop and hire a few films. Then the calls started to come in.

At Christmas Swedes escape their winter blues and head to the sun. To Thailand.

Like the Estonia disaster before the Tsunami seemed to effect everyone we knew. The people who rented the summer house that year. People at work. Call after call.

I sat and watched the TV reports. The beaches I’d walked on, the places where I’d swam, where we might have been.

Two years on, watching Tsunami tonight the scale of this is still unimaginable.

It could have been so very different that day.

Posted by Mark at 10:35 PM | Permalink

I thought I was bad with Whiteboards at work until I saw this at underGoogle.

Clearly I need to work on covering ALL the board in future …

Posted by Mark at 8:42 PM | Permalink

The aim was simple : go out and start Christmas shopping. The reality was a little different.

I had a few ideas in mind and went out looking with an afternoon to spare. I was even lucky that the places I went to were relatively free from people. The only problem was that they were relatively free from presents as well.

So, tonight, it’s back home with my Moleskin notebook to think and replan.

Santa’s helper where are you ?

Posted by Mark at 7:57 PM | Permalink

So dark outside as well.

This morning started with thunderstorms and darkness and became a bright, cloudless day as I wandered into town.

By this evening I’d cooked salmon wrapped in proscuittio on a bed of Puy lentils with chocolate mousse to follow.

K and I finally settled down to watch The Da Vinci Code. I have to say I enjoyed the book more than the film which seemed to lack the suspense and excitement of the book but it was a reasonable film to watch. That said I’d like to visit Temple Church and I do wonder if it’s the “wedding cake” church I see from Hungerford Bridge at this time of year…..

Posted by Mark at 10:10 PM | Permalink

It’s been a tetchy day.

Phone call after phone call at the end of the week with hardly anytime between calls to get up and grab a coffee.

At the end of the day I’m just happy to close the door and walk away.

I feel as if I have made little progress and working this weekend won’t change that.

For now it’s a night in and that suits me fine …

Posted by Mark at 7:15 PM | Permalink

BBC - Radio Five Live Sports Extra - Test Match Special

It was a ghastly moment, betraying a desperate lack of confidence and form. From that moment, England were always trying to claw their way back into the psychological battle.

Not the best way to start a Test Match. I think we all woke up wondering just what had happened and wondering what we needed to do to turn it around, which was rather how I ended my day …..

Posted by Mark at 7:14 PM | Permalink

Time, and opportunities, are slipping by.

Despite a day in the office I didn’t get that much done. Perhaps a little more clarity, perhaps a happier day working as I was with two people who enjoy a laugh. But, time is slipping by.

I’m back to trying to clear work away in the evenings. Picking at an Inbox which has things hiding in dusty corners and “to do” alarms which have expired a long time ago.

16 days left. Is it enough ?

Posted by Mark at 11:16 PM | Permalink

&lqduo;Electric communication will never be a substitute for the face of someone who with their soul encourages another person to be brave and true.” Charles Dickens

As I sign into mail and watch the new mail count grow I wonder if taking a day out was wise. It floods in. A ceaseless tide of mail and messages washing away the fun we had yesterday.

In some ways it’s not the number of mails that I have to deal with it’s the fact that they are sent by people who, if they picked up the phone and spoke to each other, could easily solve all these questions and issues.

For many on this project they should be at the fun end of the process. Engineering and doing what many people think people who work in IT do, “playing with computers”.

The reality is that in most cases we are a long way from that and struggling against process and people before we can even start it.

Tomorrow is a day in an office : I’m sure Dickens would have approved.

Posted by Mark at 8:53 PM | Permalink

Good things :

• long lay in
• no headache
• remembering to get off the Tube at Baker Street
• Burger and chips on the train home

Bad things :

• the conversation at Burger King where full fat coke was re-interpreted as latte coffee
• having to walk into the town to return the DJ
• needing a two hour nap on the sofa
  

Posted by Mark at 10:08 PM | Permalink

It’s not every day you find yourself standing next to Ricky Gervais in the gents or arranging a kiss with David Walliams but that happened to me today.

K and I were in London for the Variety Club Showbiz Awards at Old Billingsgate. I’d never been in this venue before but I knew of it from all those river boat trips where the guides point out that it’s where Michael Caine used to work as a fish porter.

We were staying in the Lansdowne Club for the night, which is just off Berkley Square. This being November there was no sign of any Nightingales and even fewer taxis. After trying to get the doorman to flag a cab down for us we gave up and walked down to the Strand, then up The Ritz and onto Regent Street before we eventually found one who wasn’t about to run out of fuel, just on his way home or driving around with the light on and a fare in the back.

Like most things theatrical appearances are deceptive and a one hour TV show took almost five to record. Spread across that was a leisurely meal and some frantic bidding for special events. It’s odd seeing people who you “know” from the TV in real ife. Wendy Richards is considerably more petite than I’d imagined. Tarby looked a lot older but with the same twinkle in his eyes. Chico was as manic and smiley and Sharon Osbourne as down to earth.

After a while you ignore the paraphernalia of the TV crews (remembering to watch out for where the camera crane is before you stand up) and settle back to watch the awards and the stage show (Avenue Q). Admittedly the occasional re-take does make you wonder how much red wine you had or if this is deja vu moment.

The after show party wasn’t as star studded as we thought but after you’ve been kissed by David Walliams I guess the evening is hard to top. [1]

¹ K : “I’d really like to kiss him”- Me : “Well unless you do it now, he’s leaving” - K: “He’s lovely” - cue for me to walk across, waffle and watch as K gets her wish ….

Posted by Mark at 11:14 PM | Permalink

After the darkness of yesterday today was full of bright blue skies and the most amazing colours.

I wandered around making the final preparations for tomorrow and wondering just when I will stop working at the weekend to keep this project on track …

Posted by Mark at 10:02 PM | Permalink

Today started dark and ended dark. For a brief moment in the middle of the day I turned the light off and sat on yet another conference call.

All day long, outside, it’s rained. All day long, inside, I’ve tried to deal with the vagaries of this project.

In amongst all this gloom and on a day off from school I caught up with Elizabeth’s news on Jabber throughout the day and wondered just when geography homework started to need a video camera ….

Posted by Mark at 10:03 PM | Permalink

“It’s like the First World War, people saying it will be over by Christmas”.

Of course it won’t be. The project will drag on later than that but for now we are all kidding ourselves that we can somehow pull off a miracle and get things done by then.

It feels a little like being in the 400m at school. The last turn is both a relief that it’s nearly over and also blind panic that the end is in sight and you’re not as far ahead as you need to be….

Posted by Mark at 7:19 PM | Permalink

“I’d like to hire a DJ”, I said. As if by magic… the Shopkeeper appeared !

I suppose that everyone faces a moment when age and waistline match and this, for me, was today.

“It’s probably better the trousers are loose”, he said, watching me gaze at the proper, tie up bow ties. “Just in case you eat too much”.

I can’t say I was planning to eat quite that much but I erred on the side of caution and took his advice. Even if it did hurt.

“Ready tied bow tie ?”, he asked, which hurt even more….

Posted by Mark at 6:38 PM | Permalink

“Oh God and it’s only Wednesday ..”, I said wearily as we walked out from the office.

Trapped inside until late in the evening watching the trail of red tail lights across the car park and people walking back into the office having given up on the wait to get out of the car park (before the wait to get out of the business park), it wasn’t the best end to the day.

In two days we’d managed to do something which had taken the other project team weeks to complete. From that point of view it was a successful investment in time. The other side of the coin is that we’re two days behind on other work.

For me the impact isn’t that great. Whatever I do at work these days can be done from home or from any office. All I need is a network connection and a desk, ideally a phone to save what’s left of my brain from the dangers of mobile phone emissions.

The advantage of being in the office is that I have been able to speak to a few people in an attempt to find a new home in the organisation. The whole process is something new to me and, like most new things done for the first time, somewhat uncomfortable. I find myself thinking back to all those conversations I used to have with Amanda about “networking” and wishing I’d been a little better at it in the past.

“No, it’s Tuesday”, said Nick and I find myself wondering if it really was this morning I’d put the wheelie bin out. I glance at my watch : today’s the 14th and December is another day closer. There’s no time to stop and appreciate a job well done - we need to move on towards completing this by Christmas…

Posted by Mark at 11:14 PM | Permalink

Neither this, nor this, nor this has helped.

I’m not sure what’s more stressy : continuing to try to tie one or the day at work today ….

Posted by Mark at 11:35 PM | Permalink

I sit at my PC, submitting my travel request for tomorrow, and wonder just what it will bring.

Life at work has become more and more bizarre, almost to the point where nothing surprises me. Yet, we still do silly hours, work at weekends and try to make some sense of this project and, increasingly, this company.

There are fewer weeks and we need to use each day and hour wisely if we are to succeed at this but I do, more and more, wonder at what cost.

Posted by Mark at 9:36 PM | Permalink

“If any question why we died,
Tell them, because our fathers lied”

Epitaphs of the War - Rudyard Kipling

Posted by Mark at 8:30 PM | Permalink

In the middle of what has to be one of the most challenging and difficult things I have done I seem to have lost my job.

Swept away in an organisational reshuffle which started when my manager moved on to do something else the majority of her section were moved elsewhere, protected by a layer of middle management above them. As a direct report I wasn’t so lucky and now I’m left with the stress of trying to find a new “home” on top of the daily trials of this project.

The timing of the announcement couldn’t have been more ironic. We’d met for the presentation of my 10 years service watch. I thought it showed an unusual amount of forethought that it was brought into the office in a gold gift bag. I wasn’t surprised that it, like current hopes, was taken back out of the office as my manager departed….

Posted by Mark at 10:14 PM | Permalink

“Well, he was old and an actor and swash buckling : I’ll call you back”.

The phone line went dead and I was lefty wondering just what had happened to Amanda.

I knew that she was looking to move house and I wasn’t surprised to hear that the house she had bought featured large rooms with wooden beams and floors.

A house with a history wasn’t too much of a surprise either. Even if Amanda needed to call back to confirm the name.

What was a surprise was that she was now the proud owner of an Aga, and she was using it.

What next ? A subscription to Good Housekeeping ?

Posted by Mark at 10:59 PM | Permalink

It’s been a day for surprises in the post.

I finally picked up my raffle prize from the harvest display. I was worried it would be some twee piece of pottery depicting corn being cut but instead it turned out to be a rather presentable orange thermos flask.

I have to say I was wondering who had written to me from Spain as I opened the letter. It turns out to be a rather badly photocopied letter from the rather grandly named “Leasing, Commission Agents, Sole Representatives and Security Services” of Loteria Primitiva.

My personally photocopied letter from Don Ryan Lopez, the foreign service manager of Groupama (Seguros) Security Company S.A., tells me I have won €680,000 and all I need to do to claim it is send them 10% of that figure to cover the insurance they paid to insure the money in a bank.

Clearly Spanish banks are not to be trusted if you need to insure the money you place with them.

Just in case Mr Lopez, or his friends, have been photocopying again and you receive one of these letters have a quick look at Loterias y Apuestas de Estado’s website here.

¡Cuidados!

Posted by Mark at 10:11 PM | Permalink

Today seemed rather like my old fishing keep net.

Damp (at least outside), leaky (as we watch resources disappear) and full of holes.

It’s been less than inspiring.

Posted by Mark at 8:33 PM | Permalink

China draws a veil across the mountains | Special reports | Guardian Unlimited

Carrying the Olympic flame to the summit of Everest live on television is, even by Chinese standards, a demanding challenge.

This week mountaineering authorities in Lhasa announced they wanted to limit the number of foreign climbers on the Tibetan side of the 8,850 metre (29,035ft) peak in spring 2007 to allow a trial run to assess the technology and manpower needed to start the Beijing Olympics from the summit of the world.

Sounds impressive doesn’t it ? Something the world will watch in awe. An impressive feat of human achievement set on the world’s highest mountain.

But, not that long ago something less impressive happened there.

Kelsang Namtso, a 17 year old Tibetan nun was traveling from Nagchu prefecture to study at the Dolma Ling nunnery in India with 73 other refugees.

They had run out of food and were trying to cross the Nangpa La, a 5,800 metre pass 15 miles west of Everest, to Nepal. This trail is overlooked by the base camp of mount Cho Oyu. What Romanian mountaineer Sergiu Matei witnessed and filmed has been broadcast around the world.

It was reported in China as self defense , to me it looks like a young girl shot in the back.

Look for yourself.

Posted by Mark at 6:31 PM | Permalink

Washing up, bottles, pans, grease, place mats, dead fireworks, burnt marshmallow all pale into insignificance compared to the mess created by a young girl with a pestle and mortar and some wheat we saved from the harvesting competition.

Despite sweeping, hoovering and washing the kitchen floor as I headed off to bed I stood on another piece which escaped Joanne’s attempts to become a miller.

Posted by Mark at 10:16 PM | Permalink

The roast chestnuts were well received, the fire was fun but the best thing seemed to be toasting marshmallows.

As the adults watched the fireworks the kids ran around offering freshly toasted sweets before throwing the sticks into the fire.

Much, much later we sat out at 1:30 with the embers of the fire and the last of many bottles of red ….

Posted by Mark at 11:50 PM | Permalink

I rarely dream, or rarely remember them, so to wake up mid way through one was unusual for me.

Even more strange was to be convinced it was Christmas day and I, somehow, how forgotten to get my parents presents. I lay there with feelings of guilt and stupidity washing over me. Just how could I let this have happened ?

Perhaps I’ve been doing one too many Beechams All In One Pocket packs for my cold because, as we both know, it was just a dream ….

Posted by Mark at 10:35 PM | Permalink

After a morning of conference calls and night of being awake with a cold I needed some escape so I headed out for a walk.

At what used to be Aussie Paul’s house down the road the South African waiters from the Italian restaurant in the town were clearing the house ready to leave. I can remember when a foreign accent used to be a rarity around here.

With less than an hour for lunch I wandered over to the deserted allotments. The first frost of the year was still covering some of the leaves in the shade but in the sun the blackberries were still growing and the grasshoppers still singing.

The weather this year seems to get stranger and stranger ….

Posted by Mark at 5:56 PM | Permalink

For a while now I have been trying to sort out just how to aggregate and read all the RSS streams I have been using.

I started off using FeedDemon, which worked well until the last update and then it started to slow up. As I was spending more and more time away from my home PC I started to look for a portable solution and that’s when I moved to Sage, the RSS reader add in to Firefox. For a while it seemed to be the solution I wanted but the hassle of moving subscriptions from one browser to another didn’t inspire me.

Now I have settled on Google Reader. It’s portable, lives on the web so I can use it from a number of PCs and manages to handle the feeds I want without slowing down. The other advantage is I can share out things I have seen.

So, if you fancy a potted tour around my corners of the Internet look here ….

Posted by Mark at 7:43 PM | Permalink